Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
