Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
