I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
