4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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