I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This house was built for laser tag.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
