I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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