You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
