I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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