Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
