College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
