Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
