I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
