I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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