highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
