so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
