new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
