Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
