...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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