I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
