just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm at about main and main street
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
