Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
