hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
