I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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