Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
