So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
