I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
