I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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