Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
