I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
BRING THE BAGELS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
