Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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