I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
