i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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