The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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