She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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