I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
