: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
