i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
