every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
