What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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