Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
