I must be too annoying 4 u.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
