i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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