found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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