I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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