I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
