guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
