well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
