Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
