My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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