I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
