After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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