that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
