I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
