His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What a dumb baby whore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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