Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
