hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
