Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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