i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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