ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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