OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
