im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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