please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
