She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
