Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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