i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
