No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
