i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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