Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
