Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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