I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
