some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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